Title: "Fire and Ice: Fire"
Summary: Elijah and Sean give in to temptation.
Disclaimer: Never happened. I don't own Elijah and Sean. Wish I did, but no.
Story Notes: Follows "Ice" and will be concluded in "Melted".
* * *
I still can't believe this is all coming to an end. In less than a week, I'll be back in Los Angeles with my family and we'll be celebrating Christmas. I'll leave Frodo behind in New Zealand and become Elijah again, and I'm not sure I really want to.
Being a hobbit can be something so amazing, especially when you think of the relationships hobbits share. I'm so terribly afraid that it'll change afterwards, or even worse, that we won't keep in touch. I keep thinking about Billy, Dom and Orli so far away in Europe and I want to cry. How will I deal without seeing them everyday?
And then there's Sean. He'll be so close, but he's so far away at the same time. He'll be living just a few miles away, and we'll see each other all the time, but it'll still be painful, as it's been for the past few months.
I've stopped kidding myself a long time ago. I am in love with him. He's in love with me, or at least, he used to be. But he's married.
The thing is, his marriage isn't so hot right now. He and Christine, well, they fight quite a lot these days. I don't really know what they argue about, but I can usually tell when they've had a fight by the look on Sean's face, and that look's starting to pop up almost daily now.
There's that paranoid side of me that think Sean has told her about what's happened between us and that I'm the reason they're fighting all the time.
I'll probably never be able to stop the part of me that wishes that one day the fights become too much, that they call it quits and that Sean comes running to me. But that's such a small, self-involved part of me. Mostly, I wish they'd stop fighting. Christine's just wonderful, and Sean's so happy with her. And then there's little Alexandra...
I remember we were on location about two months ago, and I was in my trailer studying the latest changes in the script, when Alex came rushing in. "Lijah!" The way she says my name in her clear, high voice is adorable.
She jumped up and down in front of me. "Look! Look!" she said excitedly. She pushed back a strand of hair and proudly displayed a pointy ear.
"Wow," I said to her in an impressed tone. "Just like mine."
"And like daddy's."
I smiled at her. "Of course, they're hobbit ears! But, you know what? Don't tell your dad I told you that though..." I leaned close to her and whispered, "But I think he's jealous because mine are pointier."
Alex laughed. "Mine are the prettiest!"
I pulled her onto my lap and inspected said prosthetic ears. To be honest, they weren't fantastic. She had been given a pair that were ripped and would've otherwise been throw away. They weren't glued on, but they were tight enough to hold on. She obviously loved them, so I said, "Hmmm, they are the prettiest."
"Now I can be a hobbit too. My daddy told me I can be in the movie next week," she said. "I'll play Ellen."
I had to think for a moment as I couldn't recall that 'Ellen' character, but then it hit me. "Oh. You mean Eleanor."
"Yes, that's it."
"Wow, that's great, Alex. Now all you're missing are hairy feet."
"I don't want hairy feet. They're ugly, Uncle Lijah."
It's in those times that I feel like a complete jackass for feeling the way I do about Sean. When she calls me 'Uncle Lijah', I can't help but see my feelings in this incestuous kind of way and I just want to crawl into a corner and die of shame.
I'm pulled out of my memories when I hear the door of the trailer open and in walks Dom, disturbing my wallowing in misery. He seems to have developed a sixth sense for it. Every time the whole thing with Sean brings me down, he appears to save the day.
"Hullo Frodo!" he says cheerfully, then he notices the saddened look on my face. "Elijah?" He sits on the couch by my side. "What's going on?"
"Nothing. Everything. The usual." I say.
He slips an arm around my shoulders. I throw myself into his arms and start crying. I've done this so many times in the past months that I've lost count.
Dom really took me under his wing when he found out what had happened. Sean's hurting as much as I am, but for some reason, it's me that Dom's looking after. Sometimes I wonder why, because Dom's very close to Sean as well, but that's not something Dom and I have discussed.
Dom found out through Billy, in a way. Now the entire cast -- well, the fellowship at least -- knows about it, but I'm pretty sure Dom was the first one to put the pieces together -- except Peter, of course, who'd walked in on Sean and me kissing.
The day Dom found out, we were sitting in our trailer, just the two of us playing Play Station between scenes, when out of the blue Dom turned to me and said, "Do you think Sean's been acting weird lately?"
"Not particularly," I replied, not giving it a second thought.
"Ok." Then he let it go for while, and we resumed playing, until, "I think he's cheating on his wife."
That got my full attention. Dom added, "It's something he told Billy the other day..."
"What did he say?"
"Well, Sean asked Billy if he thought it was possible to be in love with two people at once."
Sean had told me that he felt nothing more than friendship, that he got carried away that day, and I had been so deeply convinced of that. But I was, without a doubt, 'the other person'. Who else could it be?
I dropped the video game controller and stood still for a many long seconds. It was such a shock to absorb. But from the moment Dom told me, I knew that Sean and I could have had something, we could have! But there was the movie, and then he was married...
I burst into tears right there and then in front of Dom. Sean had lied to me; but he had a reason. He knew that it would be less painful for me to get over him if I thought he didn't love me. He wanted to keep me from hurting as much as he could. That made me love him more, if possible.
I guess the tears were enough for Dom to connect the dots. "Oh, Lij..." he said softly, pulling me into his arms. "I guess he's not cheating on her, huh?" I shook my head.
After that, Dom made it his personal crusade to keep me occupied. I must say it's rather successful. He keeps me busy -- God, the energy level on that guy -- and when I'm with him, I mostly forget about Sean. Except when, like now, I am crying on his shoulder.
* * *
Tomorrow will be the last shooting day. Today, I'm filming a scene with Sean for the last time. We get some time alone together before the scene, and Sean looks kind of blue, so I ask him how things are going between him and Christine.
"She left last night."
"She left you!?" I can't believe this.
"No!" he seems horrified that I can even suggest this. "She and Alex left for L.A. earlier than planned. Man, Elijah, I know we've been fighting a lot lately, but come on."
"So things are all right between the two of you?"
"I think we both need to get back home. I'm exhausted and always busy, and she misses her friends and family. Things'll get better back in L.A."
"I hope so," I tell him, and I mean it. I might wish to have him for myself, but I hate to see marriages fail. Then I think about little Alex, who deserves to live in a happy family with both of her parents. And she wants a sibling so much... I wish she gets one, one of these days; a brother or sister who has the same mommy and daddy as her.
"It's just a bump in the road," Sean says. "Everyone has them. We'll be ok."
"Hey, you shouldn't be alone tonight, why don't you come spend the night at my place?" I honestly have no hidden intentions about this. Futile hopes, fantasies, maybe, but hell if I'll ever make a move to realize them.
"That'd be nice, actually." Sean says. "Thanks Elijah."
* * *
By ten o'clock that morning, our scene was completed. Sean has done all his scenes as Sam. As for me, I have some more to do this afternoon and tomorrow.
When I enter our dressing room later that day, Sean's already out of costume. He's looking at the discarded hobbit feet on the floor. I come up behind him, wrap my arms around his waist and put my chin on his shoulder "Are you going to miss it?"
"Well, not the feet," he says, and I laugh. "But yeah, I'll miss it."
"I can't believe it's over."
He turns around in my arms. "It's not entirely over for you, Elijah."
"But our scenes together are done. I'll miss working with you." My voice is unsteady. I don't want to cry, but I know I will, soon.
"I'll miss it too. Working with you was something else. You're a fantastic actor, you know that?" I don't take compliments well, so I blush and look away. One of the wig's curly locks has fallen in my face, and Sean gently tucks it behind my ear. "You are," he whispers.
Then his hand moves from my ear to my cheek. "You're so beautiful, inside and out." He tilts my head up, and leans in, and kisses me.
I don't know what to think. His mouth on mine feels so amazing and perfect and right. I never thought I'd feel it again, but there it is, and I'm in heaven.
I tighten my hold around his waist, pulling him closer to me, and his hands slide into my hair. I think I moaned into the kiss and he echoed my sound. I'm not really sure of anything anymore. I alternate between thinking I'm dreaming or knowing that what's happening is real.
This time our kiss doesn't get interrupted but lasts a very long, wonderful time. Maybe it's because both of us are scared of being uncomfortable afterwards, but in the meantime I can barely feel the ground under my feet.
Eventually, I put an end to our kiss. I catch his eyes for a moment before resting my head on his shoulder. It fits just right, and it's so comfortable. I would say 'I love you', but I'm afraid it might ruin things. Besides, he already knows how I feel about him, and if I wasn't sure he was still in love with me before, now I'm a bit more clued in.
He kisses me just below the ear. "Am I still your guest for tonight?"
His tone is full of promises, most unlike anything I've heard from him, and I have a hard time finding my voice just to say, "Yes." I finally manage to croak my answer.
"You should be done by seven, right?" I can only nod. His breath tickles my ear, and it feels so amazing. "I'll come by around eight. How's that?"
Tonight's plausible events run through my mind. I can't figure out why in the world Sean changed his mind, but I don't dare ask, because I'm afraid if he starts thinking about it, he'll reconsider. Hell, I would probably reconsider if I gave it a second thought, but I don't allow myself to. All I know is that he's given me the green light with that kiss.
My gaze falls on the clock hanging on the wall and I see it's five past two. "Shit," I say, "I'm late. Shooting at two."
Sean lets go of me, and I grab his neck and pull him to me for a quick kiss before dashing out of the room and onto the set.
* * *
Dom drives me home that night. We live on the same street, a few blocks from one another, and whenever I can catch a ride with him, I do. I'm still, after a year and a half, feeling weird when driving on the left side of the road.
"So, do you want to do anything tonight?" He asks as we get to our street.
"Sorry, I've got plans with Sean already."
"Oh. What kind of plans?"
"Nothing much," I'm glad I get this out so nonchalantly, because I'm boiling inside. "Just hanging out." I can't help but add, "What did you think, we'd be making out all night?"
The joke fails. Dom frowns as he pulls in front of my house. "I'll pick you up tomorrow. Be ready at five fifteen."
"Sorry Dom. I didn't mean it."
Dom sighs and runs a hand over his face. "It's all right... I just hate seeing you hurt because of him. Just don't... Don't expect too much from him, Elijah."
"I don't!" I defend myself. That's kind of a lie, though. "I don't expect anything."
"I just don't want to see you in tears tomorrow morning when I pick you up, that's all."
"I won't, I promise." I kiss him on the cheek before stepping out of the car. "Thanks, mate. See you."
"Bye, Lij." Dom says before he drives off to his place.
I walk inside and head for the bathroom. I have in mind a long, warm shower to get rid of any residual make-up or glue. I also want to make sure I am thoroughly clean, just in case. I've had experiences in the past when I've been fucked or I've fucked someone and it got, well, very messy, and there's no way I'll let that happen tonight.
As I'm washing, I can't help but remember what I told Dom. 'I don't expect anything.' And here I am making myself squeaky clean inside and out in hopes I might get some action. If I were a woman, I'd be shaving my legs right now, I swear. Dom would kill me if he knew.
When I get out of the bathroom much later, Sean's already waiting for me in the living room, watching TV. I smell something nice coming from the kitchen. "Hmm, you brought food?"
"I figured it was safer than letting you cook our dinner," he says. "Are you hungry?"
"I'm famished," I say. "What did you bring?"
He gets up and I follow him to the kitchen. "Salmon and mushroom noodles. Nothing fancy, but it's good."
He takes the lid off the casserole. "Looks good, smells good. Must taste good too," I say.
He picks a fork and feeds me a mouthful of noodles. "Hmmm," I moan. "Yumm-ay."
I notice he's looking at me with a yearning expression on his face. "What?" I swallow my food.
He smiles at me. "You're adorable." He leans over the counter and gives me a short but loving kiss on the lips. I feel my stomach knot in expectation of the events that might take place later this evening.
I get some plates and serve the food, and we take our time eating, most of our talk consisting of on-set memories. It's still hard to believe it's almost over.
As we do the dishes after dinner, I flick some soapy bubbles at Sean. He does the same, and soon we're in a full-blown bubble war. The floor gets slippery and he falls down. He tries to hold onto me to stay up, but only succeeds in pulling us both to the floor. Thankfully, neither one of us is hurt, and we're laughing hysterically.
I'm half on top of him. I move a little so that I cover him entirely, and I lean down and kiss his nose, then his mouth. It doesn't take long for the kiss to heat up. His hands find their way to my hair -- he seems to enjoy running his fingers through it, and for the first time I'm not wearing my Frodo wig while he does it, so it feels really nice.
He draws a knee up and I slip between his legs, then he lowers his leg over one of mine. I can't move that much in this position, but it's comfortable. Being with him feels so natural. I don't have to show off, to impress. I can just be myself. Doesn't mean I'm not nervous as hell, though.
I let go of his lips and I'm in the process of kissing every inch of his face when he says, "Elijah, I'm lying in a puddle of soapy water."
"Oh. Sorry," I laugh and get up. I extend a hand, which he takes, and I pull him up. His entire back, from neck to heels, is wet.
"Don't worry about it," he says, "I brought extra clothes." That makes sense, after all, he is spending the night.
I slide my arms around his waist and press myself against his back -- effectively getting my own clothes wet. I kiss him delicately behind the ear. "Do you have to change now?"
"Well, it's uncomfortable."
"Hmm, I know," I kiss the back of his neck. "I was just thinking... You could just take off these clothes."
"Ah." Ok, now he's got my point. This is it. I might get turned down, or I might get lucky.
He steps out of my embrace and turns around to look at me. I can see the wheels turning in his heads as he considers. No Sean, don't think, please, don't.
"Elijah," he sighs. "Come here." He takes my hand and -- oh God -- he's leading me to the bedroom.
I close the door behind us and he pulls me into his arms. I throw my arms around his neck and kiss him. He grabs the back of my shirt and lifts it over my head, and I have to break the kiss to take the shirt off completely.
He's seen me shirtless before -- hell, he's seen me naked before -- but now he's looking at me and gently running his fingers over my skin, as if he was discovering me for the first time. I feel like the most precious thing in the world under his hands.
I let my fingers trail from behind his head to the front of his shirt and he sighs as my fingers tickle his neck. I begin unbuttoning his shirt, and I'm now so nervous I'm shaking. He notices and smiles.
"Nervous?" he asks, taking my hands in his.
"A little," I admit.
"Why? It's me."
"That's why I'm nervous. It's you. This is like... This is huge. I don't want to mess this up."
"You couldn't even if you tried," he whispers in my ear. "Don't worry, it'll be great." He kisses me again before asking, "Are you a virgin, Elijah?"
I'm not sure if it's flattering or not that he thinks I might be, so I just smile at him. "No, I'm not."
But then a thought crosses my mind. "But what about you? Have you--"
"I have a kid, I think you can--"
"I was gonna say," I interrupt him, "have you ever slept with a guy?"
"Oh. Er, no," he admits, rather shyly. He looks so cute then, I just have to kiss him.
"Then I'll lead you through it." I resume unbuttoning his shirt, this time with much more confidence.
"You know, I'm not completely clueless about it though. I have an idea of what two men can do together."
"Good." I kiss his neck as I push the open shirt out of the way and it falls to the floor. "But I'm still more experienced than you here."
He pretends to be offended, and I pretend to be scared. I run to the bed and hide under the covers, and he jumps in after me. He catches me and starts tickling me. I writhe underneath him until his mouth finds mine, and soon tickling turns into very intimate caresses.
We're still on an above-the-belt basis though, and I intend to change this. I lower my hands down his back, slowly, so that he can stop me if he doesn't want me to -- maybe I'm going too fast for him. I have no idea what he's like in bed. If he's anything like he is in other aspects of his life, he must be absolutely sweet and caring, very focused and not wild at all. But then again, some people are completely different in bed.
I seem to get no negative reaction from him, so my hands make their way under the waistband of his jeans. Feeling a bit bold, I move under the underwear as well. I can't go very far, but I apparently get my point across, because he rolls slightly off me to unzip his pants, and my hands can now happily squeeze away.
He's nibbling at my neck now -- which I make sure is very much exposed. He moves a bit under my busy hands, and through his opened jeans I feel his erection poking my thigh. I feel oddly proud at the fact that I'm turning him on.
I press him closer to me. I move my leg a bit to rub against him, and he thrusts slightly against me. That's my hint to take some more clothes off -- all of them in fact. If there's going to be thrusting, it'll be naked.
My hands slide from his ass to his hips, and I push both underwear and pants down. Of course lying under him, I can't get them much lower than they already are, but he sees where I'm heading. He rolls off me and takes off the remainder of his clothes, and I do the same.
When we're both naked, which doesn't take very long, I catch his body under mine. I'm on all four above him, a knee against each thigh and a hand on each side of the head. I lean down and kiss him, hard. He's actually panting when I break the kiss.
I sit back on my heels and look at him sprawled under me. I don't know why he keeps bitching about his extra weight. He looks amazing. Besides, he was on top of me earlier, and I haven't turned into a flattened pancake. He's just perfect, if you ask me. I can't believe we're here, about to do this. I must be dreaming. If that's the case, I hope I'm in a deep coma and that it'll be years before I wake up.
I trail a finger up his thigh, past his groin to his stomach, still in disbelief. I love this man so much. And now I've got him. I'm so thankful I could cry.
I feel his hands on my hips, and he's pulling me down on top of him. "Elijah," he breathes, "Come here."
I lie on top of him, my head in the crook of his neck, and I whisper in his ear. I'm not sure of what I'm saying. They're just little nonsense words of love. My mind isn't exactly working anymore, because our hips are now rocking together and that sends me into some kind of erotic bliss.
I notice that he's not very vocal. His breathing gets really loud, almost panting, but he barely moans or groans or makes any other kinds of sounds. Quite a contrast to me; I know I get louder as things progress, and by the time I climax, I can almost shatter glass.
He flips me over and begins kissing his way down my body. His mouth is hot on my skin and sometimes his tongue sneaks out and licks delicately, shyly. He moves down my chest to my hip. As he moves lower, I open my legs to give him space. His head dips to kiss my inner thigh.
He spends a long time kissing and licking one thigh, then the other, and I know what he'd like to do but doesn't dare to. He's probably never done this. "Sean," I say. "Sean, it's all right, you know."
He lifts his head to look at me. "I'm just trying to get used to the idea. Give me a second," he smiles. That's about all it took, a second, before his hand moved up from my thigh to my pelvis. He keeps avoiding my cock, and it makes my stomach clench in anticipation.
Still, there's just so much teasing I can take, and I finally hiss, "Fucking just do it, Sean. God."
He laughs and his breath tickles me in a most pleasant manner. "You're an impatient little lad," he says, but he listens to my pleas and finally touches my cock with his fingertips. I throw my head back and moan, and in response he wraps his entire hand around me.
"Holy fucking shit," I let out as he starts stroking up and down the shaft.
I thrust up in his hand, trying to match his rhythm. I steal a glance at him, and see this fascinated look on his face. It makes me smile.
I raise myself on my elbow when his hand leaves me, and I'm about to protest when something wet touches my cock. The tip of his tongue. My head falls back on the pillow and I moan.
He kisses various places on my cock and with every kiss his tongue darts out and takes a little lick. I try to stay as still as I can, as I know at this point getting nudged on the nose with an erect penis isn't something he'd enjoy. But my will power isn't enough, and he has to put a hand on my hip to steady me. He puts the other one around my erection, and begins pumping it again, while his tongue is focusing on the head.
I know he's never given a blowjob and he's exploring and everything, but I wish he'd explore a bit quicker and get to the point. I love my time with him and want it to last forever, but alas my body has a different opinion and Sean's teasing is beginning to be a bit much to take.
I'm about to voice a complain when he kisses me directly on the tip of my cock. I suddenly find I can't speak. Then he gives another kiss, with a slightly opened mouth. And finally a last one, and this time he takes the head of my penis into his mouth.
"Fucking God," I shout. I'm about to warn him to be careful with his teeth, but I remember he might've never done this before, but surely he's had it done, and he's probably already told someone to watch the teeth.
I lock my fingers into his hair, careful not to push him down on me. Only the head is in his mouth at the moment, and I don't think he'll take much more in, but it doesn't matter to me because his suction is enough to drive me wild. Besides, I wouldn't complain in a hundred years, because it's Sean.
But I can't even begin to describe my surprise when I feel his hand move down under me, and easing a teasing finger between my ass cheeks. I thought I'd have to talk him into anything anal, or at least take the lead. Apparently not. Still, I can feel his hesitation. He keeps rubbing, but doesn't penetrate.
"Shit, Sean," I groan, "just go ahead."
He removes his mouth from my cock and says, "Just like that? No lube?"
I have no idea where my lube is, and I don't really want to get up and look for it right now. "There's Vaseline in the end table. That'll do."
He reaches over and, after a bit of looking around in a messy drawer, finds it. He dips his finger into the jar, and pulls it out covered in slick gel. Then he carefully puts the lid back on and puts the Vaseline back in the end table.
He strokes my cock a few times before his hand goes back under my body. He presses against my opening, but seems to be afraid to push harder and go in. "Sean, I'm not a fucking porcelain doll. I won't break."
"I know, I'm just taking my time," he says. "You swear an awful lot in bed, you know that?" Couldn't care less, actually, because he's just pushed his finger inside me.
"Stop me when you're about to come, ok?" he asks, before taking me in his mouth again. He probably doesn't want me coming into his mouth, which is understandable, I guess.
This time he takes a bit more of me into his mouth. He's still nowhere near deep-throating me, but it's still one of the blowjobs I've ever had in my life. His finger inside me finds my prostate and caresses it. I'm starting to doubt whether he's ever had sex with men.
I feel myself getting closer to the point of no return. "Sean, stop. Stop now."
He does so, removing both his mouth and finger from my body. He kneels between my legs and looks at me. He smiles and leans over me to kiss my lips. I open my mouth and welcome his kiss. I'm wondering if he's forgotten I haven't come yet, and am in much need of a release. I don't want to have to finish this myself.
"Sean, I want, I need..." I pant.
"Shh." he puts a finger on my lips, silencing me. Then he whispers in my ear, "Elijah, I would very much like to make love to you." He looks at me expectantly. "Is that all right?"
"God, yes," I breathe out.
He smiles at me again and kisses my cheek, "I love you," he whispers. He sits back on his heels and nudges my legs further apart. "Spread your legs," he says.
I obey, and his hand slides under me again, only this time he pushes two fingers inside me. He puts his other hand on my stomach. He's unbelievably tender and each movement is delicate, careful, soft. I open up easily under his fingers.
"Are you sure you've never done his before?" I have to ask.
He chuckles. "Elijah, I've never been with a man before, but I've had anal sex a few times."
"Oh." I wonder why I haven't thought of that. I close my eyes and lie back on the pillow, letting him work his magic on me. He's got the most agile fingers in the world. I whimper when he withdraws them.
I lift my head and bestow my best pout upon him. He laughs at my expression and moves up my body to kiss me. "Got any condoms?" he asks.
"Of course." I get up on shaky legs and go through my drawers to find them.
"What about lube?" he says.
"Huh, it's somewhere around here..."
I can't find either the condoms or the lube, and that's really starting to bother me. I know they're in a drawer somewhere, but if there's something I hate, it's walking around sporting a hard-on. It's just very uncomfortable and it bops up and down and looks silly.
I finally find them in my sock drawer -- why on Earth did I put them there? -- and I realize the tube of lube is empty and the condoms expired nearly a month ago. Well, that says a lot about my sex life. Sean must've noticed the look on my face, because he asks, "What's wrong?"
I throw everything into the garbage can. "Expired."
"Oh," he says, "and I don't have any."
I wanted tonight to be so perfect, I couldn't have checked on the condoms? I feel like hitting my head on the wall. Sean gets up and kisses me, an arm around me. "Listen, Elijah, we don't have to-- There's other stuff we can do."
"I know," I say, but I can't hide my disappointment. I wanted this so much. I wanted him in me. I lock my arms around his neck and kiss him.
"We can always go buy some," he says between kisses.
That'd be a terrible mood killer, but I'm about to agree when I think of something. "Oh! Dom!"
"Dom's stuff. He leaves a bag of clothes and stuff here for when he stays over. Saves time and hassle."
"Great, but why would there be condoms in there?"
I shrug. "'Cause it's Dom." The guy even has condoms with him on the set. Always prepared, he says, while I tell him he lives on hope. "Still, it's worth a look, don't you think?" I take his hand and drag him to my guest room.
I open the closet and pull out Dom's bag. I go through it and find nothing. "Look in the side pockets," Sean suggests.
I do, and third pocket's the charm. I smile at Sean and throw him a small silver foil. "Wow," he simply says.
"We're lucky," I say as I get up. I stand next to him and from behind my back I whip out a small tube of lube I'd also found in the bag. "Very lucky."
"Thank you Dominic," he says, almost in disbelief.
We go back to my room, and he sits on the bed, about to open the condom. I take it from him. "Nuh-uh. Let me. You lie back."
He does, and I straddle his legs. I put my hands around his cock and stroke it. I run my thumb over the tip, spreading some of the precum, before leaning over and kissing him there. He's writhing on the bed. I love the look of ecstasy on his face.
I unwrap the condom and put it on him, eliciting a moan or two. I take the tube of lube and spread some over the condom. I also put some of it on my finger, and apply it on myself. It feels quite cool against my skin, and as I push my finger inside my body to apply the lube, it makes me even more eager. I want him in me. Now.
I roll over onto my back next to him, knees drawn up. "Come on, Sean," I say tantalizingly. He moves on top of me and I wrap my legs around him, locking my ankles together behind his back. He uses a hand to guide himself in, and as he pushes against me, I open myself up to him. As easily and naturally as humanly possible, the tip of his penis slides in me.
"Oh my fucking God, Sean," I shout.
"Are you ok, Elijah?" he asks, always ever-so-caring. I nod and let out a weak, "yeah." That's about all I can say right now. He kisses me tenderly and pushes deeper inside me.
It has been a while since I've been fucked and I have no idea why he's just sliding in with such ease. Maybe because it's Sean, and I've wanted this for so long, my body can't possibly refuse him.
He breaks our kiss when he's completely inside me. He buries his face in the crook of my neck. "Elijah..." he breathes softly against my skin. "Elijah, you feel amazing. So good, so good..." It seems so perfect to have him inside me that way. He's hard and hot, and he fills me completely.
He moves carefully in me. Each thrust, if I can call it that, is excruciatingly slow and deep. I dig my fingers into his back. This pace is killing me. It's almost as he's pushing me to the brink, but none of his thrusts are hard enough to push me over.
I beg him to go faster, harder, but he says no. "Tease," I hiss in his ear, but I let him set the pace. I put myself entirely in his hands, so to speak, and I can't believe how long he manages to make it last. I was expecting this to last only a few minutes, tops. I've never been so turned on in my life. He knows exactly what he's doing. He feels it when I'm about to come, and stills his movements entirely when he needs to, never letting me cross the line.
This is a completely new kind of sex for me. He takes me places I've never been. I see stars flying past my head, a thousand colours under my eyelids. My body is tingling all over, and I feel tears pooling in my tightly shut eyes.
I feel myself getting nearing the edge again. "God, Sean, let me... this time, let me..." I beg. I love this, I want this to last forever, but I feel like I'm going to pass out if he doesn't let me come.
So he lets me. He takes my cock in his hand and pumps it, and that sets me off. He keeps his pace steady as I come, bucking under him, screaming so loud I fear the neighbours might call up to investigate what the hell's happening. The high is unbelievable, and it feels so good to release the amazing load of tension he's made me accumulate.
He's kissing my neck when I finally come down from my orgasm. I want him to come as well now, and I tell him, "Sean... You're holding back. Don't. Don't hold back."
He begins thrusting harder inside me. "That's it. Come on." I encourage him to go harder. I can take it, and I love it that he's totally overpowering me. His face is clenched in effort, the muscles on his back are tense under my hands, and he's breathing even harder than he did before.
I'm glad my head is at least a foot away from the headboard, because he's slamming into me now. I shout with each thrust.
He captures my mouth and kisses me, hard. His tongue darts into my mouth and I welcome it, sliding my own against it. I fell him shudder against me -- he's coming. I run my hands in his hair during his orgasm, and when the spasms subsides, I unlock my aching legs from behind his back and let them fall to the bed, which makes him slip out of me. He rests his head on my chest and we both lay still, recuperating.
I run my fingers through his hair. "That was amazing, Sean," I say softly. He doesn't say anything in return, he just scoots closer to me. I swear I can almost hear him purr. He presses tiny kisses on my chest.
After we've somewhat recovered our wits, he rolls off me, removes the condom and throw it out. I realize we should probably get cleaned up, or at least I should, since I've got cum and lube on me. But I'm too exhausted to get up, so I just wrap myself around his back, and we fall asleep.
* * *
When I wake up the next morning it takes me a moment to figure out whose warm body my arm are encircling. Then the memories of the previous night come rushing back and, smiling, I kiss Sean's back, then the nape his neck. He moves slightly but doesn't wake up.
I look at the clock on my end table. It's ten to five. In ten minutes, it'll ring, and I'll get up, get washed up and head off to the set for the last time.
I tighten my hold around him and stare at the clock. I want time to stop. I don't want to get up from this bed, because I'm afraid that I might not get another chance to share one with him again.
A tear falls from my eyes and into the bed sheets from the tip of my nose. I don't want to cry, but before I can hold it back, big fat tears are coming out my eyes. I'm going to lose him, I know, and I don't want to.
It feels so right, holding him like that, pressed against me. I want his arms around me, his lips on my mouth, his breath on my skin, his warmth inside me. I want it all again, forever. The thought that I won't have it is agonizing.
I see it is getting closer to five o'clock, so I swallow back my tears and get up. I turn off my alarm so that it won't wake Sean. I consider waking him up myself. Waking up alone in an empty bed after lovemaking is not pleasant. Finally I decide to go take a shower, and maybe I'll wake him up afterwards, just before I leave.
I don't need to, because he's awake when I step out of the bathroom. He's sitting on the bed, covers up to the waist. "Good morning," he says when I walk in the room.
I sit on the bed next to him. "I have to get on the set," I tell him. "Just make yourself at home, ok?"
"Sure," he says. I kiss his cheek. I'm not sure if the mouth would be all right. I'd like to know if last night was just a one-night thing. I'm pretty sure it was, but I'm still hoping for the opposite.
I get over my fear and take his hand, and ask. "Sean, last night... That was just it, wasn't it? Just last night?"
He seems alarmed by the question. "Did I give you the impression that it was anything more?"
"No, that's what I thought. I just... Just wanted to make sure." I fight back tears. I don't want to cry in front of him now. "I guess I was just in denial."
"Elijah..." he pulls me into his arms. "You and I, we'll never have a happy ending."
"I know," I whisper, hugging him tightly. I glance at the clock. Dom's probably waiting for me outside right now. "I have to go."
"I'll try to come by the set today anyway, to say goodbye to everyone. We'll talk more then, all right?"
I nod and he lets go of me. I hurry outside, where Dom is indeed waiting for me, and judging by the look on his face, he's been waiting for a while.
"About damn time," he says as I get in. I apologize to him. "It's fine, you just know how much I hate waiting."
"I know. Sorry again."
"So how was your evening?" he asks casually.
"Good," I simply answer. Going into details would just bring a flow of tears, and I remember Dom's words from last night, 'I don't want to see you in tears when I pick you up tomorrow.' He'd said that with a dejected voice, as if he'd known that's what would happen.
We ride to the studio in silence, and I stare out the window. Before I know it, I'm completely lost in my thoughts, which are all about Sean and last night right now, and tears are silently rolling down my cheeks.
I've never had my heart broken that way before and I had no idea how much it hurt. Forbidden love sounds so romantic, but it rarely ends well. Just ask Romeo and Juliet. Dom turns to me and sees the tears on my cheeks. "Oh, Lij," he says softly. He parks the car on the side of the road. "What happened?"
"Nothing, I'm fine."
"Like hell you are."
"Can we not get into it right now?" I ask. "I'd just like to get on the set and have a good last day."
He extends a hand and rubs the back of my neck. "If that's what you what, then all right. But if you need anything, anything, you know you can turn to me, right?"
"We had sex," I blurt out.
"What!?" he exclaims. His hand abruptly stops massaging my neck. "What the fuck were you thinking?"
"I wasn't! I'd wanted this for so long and then I had the chance, I just took it."
He starts the car again. "Can't fucking believe this," he mutters.
"I'm so sorry Dom." I have no idea why I'm apologizing to him. But it was such a mistake for Sean and I to sleep together, and I feel so guilty about it, I'd apologize to just anybody right now.
"It's not me you should be apologizing to; it's Christine. Bloody hell, he's married, Lij," he says, then he sighs and adds. "You were right. Let's not get into that now."
* * *
Billy's only due on the set later than afternoon, so Dom and I go to feet together. We barely talk at all. He's reading a book and I'm playing a video game, but I can barely concentrate. As for him, he's either very concentrated or just angry with me still, because he's been frowning for at least an hour.
When we're ready to get to our set, the make-up people leave. Dom's about to do the same, but I grab his arm and hold him back. "Dom, wait," I say. "I, um, I just wanted you to know... I hope you don't mind, but Sean and I, we kind of borrowed some stuff from you last night."
He looks confused. "You borrowed 'stuff' from me?"
"Well, condoms and lube... We didn't have any, and you had some in your bag--"
"You went through my bag?" he yells. "And used my condoms to fuck?"
"I'm sorry, I'll get you new ones."
"It's not about that!" He's still yelling. "It's the fact that my stuff allowed you to have sex with a married man. Fuck, it's like you don't get it. He cheated on his wife, Lij. With you."
"Why do you give a damn about this? When did you fucking grow morals?" I shout back. "Just last week you nailed some chick who's fucking name you didn't even know."
"It's not the same!"
"She wasn't fucking married!"
"How do you know that? You never even asked her name!"
"She didn't wear a ring! Tell me, Elijah, did he take off his wedding ring when he fucked you? Did he?"
Flashbacks of last night pass through my mind. He didn't. He was wearing it. I feel about two inches tall. The impacts of what Sean and I did are beginning to hit me, hard. He's married, he has a family.
When I was a kid and my parents divorced, there was that woman that my father had begun dating. She was the reason they divorced, when my mom found out my father was cheating on her. I saw that woman once. I loathed her. I remember imagining hundreds of horrible deaths for her. She'd split up my parents' marriage and I hated her for it.
What if Sean and Christine got divorced because of what Sean and I did last night? What about Alexandra? Would she hate me the way I hated that woman my father dated? I'd be the reason her parents don't live together, the reason she only sees her father on weekends, the reason she doesn't have a sibling... My parents' divorce hurt me so much. I can't let Alex go through that. I just can't.
I slump down on the couch and burst into tears. What have I done?
I feel two arms around me. "Hey, don't cry..." Dom says softly. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell."
"It's not you," I get out between sobs. "It's me."
"Hey, shh..." he says in a soothing tone. "It'll be fine."
"I'm the biggest bastard in the world."
"No, no..." he whispers. "You're just an idiot in love."
I let out a dry chuckle. "I am, aren't I?" I look at Dom and he appears all blurry because of my tears. "I don't want to ruin his marriage, Dom, honestly."
"I know babe." He kisses the top of my head. "Come now, dry those tears. We have a movie to wrap up."
Just as we break our hug, Sean walks in the make-up trailer. When Dom turns around and sees him, I see his face tighten and his fist clench in anger.
He walks slowly to Sean, and stops in front of him. For an instant I'm afraid he's going to hit him, but he says, in a calm but menacing tone, "Sean, you're my friend and I love you, but I swear, if I see him cry one more time because of you, God help me but I'll hunt you down and kick some bloody sense into you." Then he walks out, leaving Sean and me alone.
I get up from the couch and he takes a step towards me. "Elijah," he says, but I just shake my head. He said he'd come by today so that we could talk, and I know how badly we need to, but..."Not right now, Sean. I couldn't possibly." And I walk out without another word.
* * *
"Awesome show, mate," I clap Dom on the back as he sits next to me and across from Sean at the small table. He's just finished a small set with his band at the wrap party, and it was excellent, as usual. He's an amazing musician.
"Thanks," I think he blushed.
"Hey, where's the Scot?" I ask him, taking a sip of my beer.
"Believe it or not, at home, sleeping." Dom says.
"No fucking way."
"Cut him some slack. He was beat." Sean says in Billy's defence.
"Pfft. Old guys..."
"Be careful how you're going to end that sentence, Elijah," Sean says.
"I'd better not finish it," I decide.
"Good for you," Sean says. "I'm going to get another drink. Anybody want one?"
"Sure, mine's done," I indicate my empty glass.
"Yeah, get me one too," Dom says.
When Sean leaves, Dom leans closer to me and says, in a soft voice so that people around us won't hear, "Are you going to be fine, Lij?"
Sean and I had a very long talk earlier tonight. We laughed and cried and hugged. And more importantly, for the first time were we totally honest with each other. Yes, he's still in love with me. And I'm in love with him.
But we both agreed nothing could ever come out of it. So we'll go back home, and try to move on. We won't to see each other for a few weeks. It will be difficult -- I can't imagine my life without him in it one way or the other -- but it'll be the best way for us to try and fall out of love for each other.
There's the Holiday season when we go back home, then I'm shooting a movie, which will take about three weeks. That should keep my mind off Sean. Then maybe I'll go to Europe for a while, to visit Dom, Billy and Orli.
"I will be fine. I have to be," I answer. "I'll move on."
He puts his hand over mine. "If you ever need anything, I'm just a phone call away. And if you need a friend, I can always jump on a plane."
"Thanks. That means a lot. I have a tough few weeks coming up, I think."
He squeezes my hand. "That's what friends are for." And I'm grateful for that.